Whilst Chinese New Year is a wondrous season of celebration involving lots of good food and loved ones, it also brings with it the inevitable dread of meeting the Well-Meaning but Nosy Relatives. Somehow family conversations always have a way of getting steered into sensitive topics that you do not want to get into, especially in front of the whole clan of old and young. Manoeuvring the conversational ship out of these dangerous waters without ticking off some familial relation requires a steady but delicate hand.
Here are some dexterous social strategies that’d help you tiptoe out of those treacherous conversational minefields, without setting off any big family debates, arguments or showdowns.
Choose a wingman (or wingwoman)
You’re probably not the only one in the family with a need to avoid invasive questions about their personal life, job, waistline or lack of offspring. Make another such person your ally, and give each other a secret gesture that means ‘get me out of this!!’
Envision, if you will, that you have been cornered by Auntie X who simply must know every detail of your recent breakup. You cough loudly and run your hand through your hair, making eye contact with your ally as you do so. He or she then loudly proclaims that the bakkwa at the table is simply to-die-for, and calls Auntie X over to have a piece.
Voila - the missile has now been deflected. Of course, you must be prepared to return the favor when called upon.
Deflect with flattery
Everybody has a blind spot when it comes to themselves, which makes flattery an extremely effective and mind-blowingly easy deflection strategy.
You’d be surprised at how effortlessly you can sidestep an impertinent question just by saying “let’s get back to that later, because right now I simply must know where you got that haircut/outfit/shoes!”
Ignore the question and respond with something different
Imagine you have once again been cornered by the persistent Auntie X, who is now pinching at your arm fat and asking how many kilos you put on during the circuit-breaker. Your trusted ally has been called away to the bathroom, and you’re on your own for this.
Remember that you are not obligated to answer a question just because someone asked it, and you have equal power to dictate the topic of the conversation. To avoid being rude, laugh it off and immediately start talking about something related and interesting (‘Auntie did you know that some celebrities eat tapeworms just so they can lose weight? Crazy right?’) To prep for this tactic, load your conversational quiver with an array of interesting fun facts that'd catch the attention of the whole family before entering the battle zone.
Shield yourself with a beverage
A glass of any drink in the world could help you dodge a bullet, so make sure you always have a beverage nearby or in hand.
Your drink serves two purposes: firstly, sipping from it helps you buy time if you need to mull over your answer before responding. Secondly, the excuse of going for a refill can get you out of any tight spot. Ask your questioner to hold that thought whilst you refill your water/tea/beer/wine, and simply get too distracted by the tables of food or some other conversation to return to him/her promptly.
